February ColourCh: Love is the Sweetest Poison

...and the slowest for of suicide....

This piece is quite close to my heart because I have a reaalllyyy bad track record with romance. (If you want to skip the backstory don't read on until the end of the massive block of text coming up)
My first boyfriend broke up with me over Facebook after nine months and then I found out that he'd been cheating on me with four other girls, three of which were some of my closest friends. Two of them admitted it and apologised and one of them I'm still really close with and see her regularly, even though she's not at school anymore, but the one that didn't was probably my oldest and closest friend at the time and she still hasn't admitted it even though when I went and confronted him about it he admitted it. I'm over him by now, I was over "him" within a month or so but the pain still hurts now and it was almost two years ago now. I still hurt when I think about her betrayal though. I thought I meant more to her than that I guess? After four years of friendship you'd hope so... And that still hurts a lot to be honest... I've thought about talking to her about it before because I still see her around school and stuff and genuinely I have had dreams about her apologising to me but I know that will never happen because she still plays innocent and she still discarded me in favour of him so what can you do, right? I try to not think about "Well obviously I'm worthless" and "She wanted better than me" but occasionally it creeps up on me. It's annoying because she's probably the most gorgeous girl I've ever met and we used to get on so well and I always thought that I was important to her. She literally cried on my shoulder more than once and one time we sent over six hundred texts to each other in one day.
My second boyfriend was kind and sweet but he got very jealous very easily and he wanted something far more than a fifteen-year-old could have given him. He wanted a serious relationship which, understandably, I wasn't ready for. I was the one that broke up with him at the back end of last year and I feel very guilty about it still because of how much pain I caused him. I think also he may have been a bit of a rebound choice and I wasn't ready for a relationship again because it only started two and a half months after the first one ended and sub-consciously I think I knew this and did it anyways because I was still hurting and wanted some kind of comfort and love and I think that's why I went into it so readily. If he is reading this now I am very, very sorry about how much pain I caused you. I never meant it to end so badly and I never meant for you to hurt so bad. I'm sorry about all of it, the whole thing, and I hope you're happier now than last time we talked.

Aaanyways, there's my drama. Hope you like the picture, I spent a lot of time on it and tried a new method which doesn't use the blend or smudge tool at all. I think it gives more of a "painted" effect? I like it anyway. It didn't turn out quite like how I hoped it would and I think sketching is still my strong point. Haha. Colouring, god damn that stuff. XD
This one is very purple (ZYMENCHLORA!!) which I like and I've been able to try some new textures. e.g. the glass poison bottle around her neck, the bandages around her eyes, "love is blind" and all that.

Enjoy. ^^

Anyway, art (c) me
Colour Scheme (c) Seraphyne colour-schemes.deviantart.com/…